Everyone is busy and has the same 24 hours in a day. So, why then, do some people make better use of their time than others? They understand how to say no. Every yes either moves you towards your goals and desired lifestyle or takes you away from it. You can’t have more hours in the day, but you can use them more productively.
The problem with saying yes when you really mean no is the sense of obligation that comes with it, causing you to resent it or the person asking. This resentment, or resistance, creates an energetic block that stops you from achieving what you want. You’re also de-valuing yourself, your time, and disrespecting your boundaries.
Whenever you spend time or energy doing something you wish you said no to, you end up focusing on the negative feelings it generates. This strengthens the block and the resentment, creating more of the same. Agreeing to do something because you want something in return will have a similar effect. If you don’t get your desired outcome, you feel resentment, which creates a block you resent, perpetuating the cycle.
Breaking the cycle
Each no creates space for something new to come into your life. You must take back your power and learn to get comfortable saying no. I get saying it can be hard. Trust that the universe always has your back, whether or not you’re aware of it. Yes, there may be some consequences you were trying to avoid in the first place, but you can minimise them.
Be smart about how you phrase your no and avoid blaming or shaming. Reframe it into something more positive, e.g. I’m sorry, but I’m unable to help. This softens the blow a little. Here are some more ways to say no.
Another reason you might say yes is to avoid hurting people, which is understandable, and you don’t want to appear selfish. But aren’t you already being selfish by saying yes, knowing you’re unlikely to be fully present because you don’t want to be doing it? Aren’t you also robbing them of the chance to find someone who does?
Deciding between yes or no
Focus on the feeling rather than the outcome – money, opportunities, goal alignment, etc. If doing something will make you feel good after you’ve done it, even if it might not feel so good while you’re doing it (e.g. exercise), then say yes. If it doesn’t, then say no. Set clear boundaries and honour them.
I recently turned down something I had been doing because I realised it was no longer working for me, and I was growing to resent it. Saying no released the block and opened up my creativity, allowing things to flow. I’m much happier and more productive as a result.
So before you make a decision, ask a simple question, “How does it make me feel?” Check-in with yourself and allow your intuition to guide you. You can use this in any area of your life.
Cheers to your writing success!